Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
