it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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