why didn't you poke me back
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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