His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
