Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
