My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
