Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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