i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My vagina just clenched in fear
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
