So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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