Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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