I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
