I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
