That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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