I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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