How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm too high and old for this...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
