I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
