I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
