I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
