eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
