True but thats because hes a fetus.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
