well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
