I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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