There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
