I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
