Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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