she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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