your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
