i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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