I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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