You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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