Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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