Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
