Already got asked if we're dating
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
