??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
