I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
