im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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