Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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