If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I AM VODKA MAN
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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