When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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