I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
