I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
