Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
