Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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