After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
