my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
