he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
