hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
