Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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