he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
