i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
