Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
