i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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