I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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