Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
