That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
