felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
