it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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