I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
