i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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