never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
