never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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