I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He shit in the fireplace
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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