...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
