Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
