i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
