were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
