my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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