Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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