So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
