Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
