Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
