Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
