My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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