I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
