Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
